“I want to weep, she thought. I want to be comforted. I'm so tired of being strong. I want to be foolish and frightened for once. Just for a small while, that's all....a day.....an hour.”
When I say I am a "crier", I don't mean that I delicately tear up at super emotional moments. I mean full on, balls to walls, hold on to your butts because there is probably going to be snot rocket or two involved.
My name is Erica, and I'm a crier.
I also snap chat about it because, why the hell not?
I cry not only for "legit" reason like heartache and deaths, but also for holiday commercials, commercials about old people, music videos, songs, movies, comedy shows, movie trailers, books, fanfiction, doctor who, sherlock, friends, mash etc et al. You name it, I've probably cried to it/and or over it, including the proverbial and literal spilt milk. Let's start with the most grave offenders in no particular order shall we?
Movie: A Dolphin Tale:
See that? that right up there? I was in the movie theater with my teenage daughter when this piece of crap heartwarming sob fest of a trailer came on. I was in tears 2.5 seconds in. I completely lost my shit the moment they showed the young and attractive combat vet who had lost a leg in the war meet the dolphin who lost his tail in the ocean. I couldn't help it. My heart was BREAKING. they had so much in common and people both gave up on them, and like, they each got a new lease on life and learned a little something along they way. I hiccuped to my teenager that we HAD to see that movie, and she just said "omg mom you are embarrassing me!". I am totally tearing up just thinking about. I never even got around to seeing the movie. Now I hear there is a sequel in the works, and yup, I cried at that too, but only because it got me remembering the first movie.
Music Video: Will You Go With Me by Josh Turner
I remember the first time I saw this video. It was nearly seven years ago, on the morning of my 30th birthday. I was at the Hotel Monte Vista up in Flagstaff, Az. I had already woken up a little emotional as I was saying goodbye to my twenties. Then, this video came on. It had everything I've ever wanted; a deep voiced attractive man with short hair singing about true love, man pain, growing old together, and dying. I remember the tears flowing down my flushed cheeks as his words drifted through my atmosphere. I was already upset about turning 30, but this song also made me aware that I was going to die fat and alone, half eaten by wild dogs. Beautiful song, but it broke me.
Song: Starlight by Muse
So this entry is a little different. The song itself is fantastic, but it's the imagery it invokes that reduces me to a sobbing snotty mass, usually while I'm behind the wheel of my car. When I hear this song, there is a mental movie that plays, and I can't unsee it. It starts out with a mongol man and woman. He's on horseback and getting ready to run off to war or to defend their village against on oncoming hoard. He takes off on horseback not realizing that the attack is going to come at the village first. When he finds out he returns to see his wife kicking ass and taking names (because she is no wilting flower). They make eye contact in between battles and he is struck down. She runs to him and holds him in her arms and he fades away (he dies, duh). The scene changes and the couple becomes two army buddies in the Korean war. Away from home they are all they have, and of course, one of them dies, (the whole scenario is a lot more elaborate in my mind). Cue the reincarnation theme a couple more times. The ending is the same with one of them dying in the arms of the other person. Finally at last go round it's the present and another war couple. Sometimes it's a man and woman pilot, other times the couple is POC and/or same sex , because life is just more than heteronormativity dammit! There is an epic battle scene, there is love between the final two. During the last scene their plane is shot and they are ejected out. When the parachute opens one person shot in mid air. When they both hit the ground, person A, crawls over to person B and holds them, and you think, dammit! But wait! person A busts out some sick medic skills (because this IS the 21st century after all) and bam! #LifeSaved! Ends as the last notes fade away and person B opens their beautiful blue eyes to Person A, and the circle is complete, No more reincarnations. They have found their heaven. Yeah, I don't know where I was going with that, but maybe I will write a book about that someday.
Doctor Who: Doomsday
I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry.
To this day, my bestie STILL hits me in the arm when referencing this movie in any way, shape, or form.
Doctor Who: Doomsday
And While I'm on the subject of Doctor Who...
I could on and on and on, but for the sake of time, I won't. You're welcome.
For my last entry I present you to one of the greatest mini-series of all time, ranked right up there with the Colin Firth version and Pride and Prejudice, and North and South, and the Forsyte Saga...
Benedict Cumberbatch in Parade's End
This movie wrecked me. WRECKED ME. I sat on the couch, swathed in my blanket, crying copious amounts of tears, and nearly destroying whole boxes of tissues with my fount of snot. I was doubled over into fetal position, arms clutched round my stomach, trying desperately to protect my fragile insides from the physical pain this movie induced. I am only slightly speaking in hyperbole. I absolutely love this movie.
I could go on and on listing things. I've been called "sensitive" and "emotional". I've been asked if it's "my time of the month", but the fact of the matter is, I just feel things on a super intense level. Christmas songs can bring me to tears. Give me the Celtic Women version of "O Holy Night" and I will weep while I drive. Hallmark movie commercials will do it every damn time. Elton John's "Hello, Hello"? Yup. Had to pull over to the side of the road time because I was sobbing so hard. And don't get me started on other people's emotions. Second Hand Sadness is real folks.
Also, Second Hand Sadness is the new name for an emo band side project.
And you know what? There is nothing wrong with crying. There is nothing shameful about feeling, about letting yourself be vulnerable. I cry a lot, yes, but I also laugh a lot. Loudly and with great gusto. I revel in the things that bring me joy. I wallow in the things that make make me hurt and sad. Crying over things that touch us emotionally is not simply a "woman" thing or a sign of weakness. Show me that you can feel love, and sadness, and joy, and pain, and fear, and grief, and happiness. There are few things I find sexier than a man crying because he has been emotionally affected on some level. Case in point: this, this right here. Crying can relieve stress. It can be cathartic. Yes, it will make your nose red and swollen, your eyes bloodshot, and in my case, leave red splotchy blotches on my cheeks and forehead, but afterwards, after I've had a bit of a cry (and more than likely snap-chatted about it) I feel lighter inside. I am strong and independent, vulnerable and delicate. My Name is Erica, and I'm a crier.
Happy Tuesday, Kids.
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